Recovering from a devastating break up

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The question: I just had a devastating break up with my ex and I don’t know how to move on.  What would GingerW do ?

#wwgwd

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Recovering from after a serious break up of a relationship is not an easy task.  Everyone grieves in different ways and for different lengths of time.    Some people may need professional assistance to get through the emotions associated with a bad breakup- sorrow, anger, remorse, and more.  It is important to take the time to acknowledge the sorrow that goes with the break up.  If you don’t, you may find the healing process takes longer.   Eventually, you have to let these negative emotions go.

Rebuilding and Refocusing

Reflection on the past is a great way to learn and grow.  Every time I have gone through a life change, I have learned something new about my myself.   No matter how significant the break up may have been, at some point it is important to move on.

Take those reflections and use them to focus forward.  Think of the end of one relationship as an open door to the future while carrying with you the wisdom of past experiences.

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. -T.S. Eliot

A fresh start, a new beginning, an opportunity to set the world on fire.

Take it and make it yours.  Learn from your past mistakes and create the life and the vision that you have always wanted.

Set the world on fire.

…and that is what Gingerw would do.

To Blow Off or Not To Blow Off

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The question:

I have a great guy who is interested in dating me but I just don’t have an interest in dating him.  What would @gingerw do?  AND would Ginger be interested in dating him?

#wwgwd?

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Making Decisions with a Mission

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The question: Today’s question comes from me-Gingerw! (@gingerw), I have something I always wanted to do, but I don’t have time to do it, but this may be my only chance to do it.

#wwgwd?

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To See or Not to See: Ground Zero

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The question: Today’s question comes from Derek Overbey (@doverbey), If you haven’t been to NYC since 9/11 and you are visiting, would you go see ground zero?

#wwgwd?

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Derek, I understand where you are coming from on this question.  You want to see Ground Zero and the impact of the 9/11 attacks, but my guess is that you might be fearful it will put a sorrowful spin on your New York City experience.  While I know you want to live New York City to its fullest, if you haven’t seen Ground Zero, I think you absolutely have to go for a visit.

A visit to Ground Zero is likely to be extremely heart wrenching and sorrowful, but well worth the visit.  The events of September 11, 2001 have forever shaped the world we live in.  I know I will never forget the events of that tragic day and what I was doing when I heard the news.  I lived far removed in San Francisco at the time.  I was horrified, terrified, sad, angry, and yet,I was so far removed.  I don’t think you can understand and appreciate the magnitude of the attacks unless you have been there in person.

While I know you want to live it up on your trip to New York, you have plenty of opportunity.  Take some time to see the place where history was made, lives were destroyed and the political future of the United States was altered.

Bring tissues.

But what to wear? Conference Attire De-Mystified.

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The question: Today’s question comes from Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) in London:  Still not sure what to pack for #icny. Maybe @gingerw can advise? I have no idea how RE folk dress for conferences!

#wwgwd?

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My initial response back to Poppy was, “I usually strive to dress better than most RE folk at conferences.”  Packing for New York is quite an adventure for a California girl- we dress differently out west.  It is not so easy to look hot when it is freezing cold.

Today I will be busy trying on 75 different outfits and packing for my adventure.  This is how my packing begins:

Step 1- Throw all possible outfits on the bed.

Step 2- Try them on.

Step 3- Select winning outfits including shoes and enter the details in the trusty packing spreadsheet. YES, I do really create a packing spreadsheet (my inner geek).  Every good trip must have a complete spreadsheet, otherwise you inevitably forget the underwear and phone charger.

Step 4- Identify outfits/accessories you might need and make a list of any items that might need to be purchased or borrowed- you always need to buy something.

Step 5- This step is often the trickiest step- Fold and pack and fit it all in.  Don’t forget to leave a little room for any purchases you might make on the trip.

How to Dress for a Conference?

Traditional Conference- Women should plan to wear a nice dress or suit, men should wear a suit or dress pants and nice blazer.

Blogger/Social Media- Depends on the location.  If the event is at a nice hotel or convention center, slacks are a good idea.  At more casual venues, jeans are typically ok, unless you are speaking.  Speakers should always dress a notch up!

BarCamp- BarCamps are super casual, attendee driven events.  Jeans are a-ok!

Other tips:

• Conference rooms can seem cold when you are in a warm location like Las Vegas, but very warm when you are in a locale like New York in January.  Always dress in layers!
• Sweatshirts are always a no-no- even if they give you one with the conference name on it.  Repeat, sweatshirts =bad
• Tennis shoes should be reserved for sightseeing.  Repeat, tennis shoes and conferences don’t mix.
• When in doubt, overdress.

What about Post Conference Evening Attire?

Post conference evening attire often varies depending on the type of conference and where the event is located.

• Dining with big shots from the conference?  You may want to stay in your business attire.  Often this is the easiest plan of action and saves packing space.
• Heading out on the town or going to a fun club with the group?  A change may be in order, just don’t forget that you work with these people.
• Wear a decent pair of shoes!  When I say decent, I don’t mean comfortable.  That is always a bonus, of course, but make sure you have a decent pair of shoes!  Many restaurants/clubs may not let you in if you have tennis shoes. Reminder, save your tennis shoes for sightseeing.

And to very specifically answering Poppy’s question, here is my packing plan for the Inman Connect conference in a nutshell:

• Barcamp- jeans
• Blogger Connect- slacks/sweater
• Main Conference- suit for when I speak, dress on second day
• Evening- jeans/slacks & cute tops or skirts with boots.  It may be cold but I still want to dress cute!
• Nice warm coat
• Wool socks
• Gloves
• Tights
• Lots of layers and wool.

And that is what Ginger would do!

Is chivalry dead?

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The question: Is chivalry dead?  My boyfriend never opens the car door.  #wwgwd

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Dump his sorry ass…In all seriousness, this is a question I hear from a lot of my girlfriends.  The world of chivalry can be a difficult one for men/boys to deal with.  With women’s liberation and independence being a hot issue, many men fear that opening a door can be misconstrued.  It can be confusing for men to figure out when it is ok to be chivalrous and when it might hamper a woman’s independence.

I am not so sure the issue is about chivalry, but more about common courtesy because it is not limited to men.  I often open doors for other women, only to find that other women slam the doors in my face.  Recently, I took the trolley in San Francisco.  The trolley was very crowded, I was holding my three year old son in my arms and a couple of shopping bags.  The only person who offered their seat to me was an elderly gentleman, who really probably needed the seat.  I declined his seat, but he refused to allow me to stand with my son in my arms.  I was horrified that the young people around me refused to give up their chair.

This isn’t really about chivalry, it is really about common courtesy.  Opening a door, giving up a seat, letting the other person order first at a restaurant- these are all ways we can be courteous and thoughtful

Unfortunately, not all women or all men are created equal.   What you may find chivalrous, may be completely different than your best girlfriend.  If your boyfriend doesn’t open the car door and it is important to you, let him know!  If you expect him to pick you up for your date, ask him!  Set expectations at the beginning and if he doesn’t respond, he might not be the right man for you.  If he does respond, he might be a keeper!

Resolve to lose weight and get in shape?

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The question: Jay Thompson (@phoenixreguy) says this:  New Year’s resolutions suck, but mine – that I WILL keep – is to get in better shape and lose more pounds.

#wwgwd

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The most common New Year’s resolution is to lose weight and get in shape in the New Year and it is probably one of the toughest.  So, if you are like many other Americans, here are my tips to help you get in shape.  I will be implementing the fitness strategies right along with you!

• Make a plan – Most successful business people have a business plan.  Use this concept to make a plan for your health and fitness goals.  Write both short and long term goals and evaluate them to make sure they are realistic.
• Make a journal – Start a journal and write EVERYTHING you eat that day down.  When I was trying to lose weight, I developed an excel spreadsheet (because I am that geeky) to write down my everything I ate, how much water I drank, when I exercised including length and time,exactly what exercises I did,  and how much I weighed each week.  If I wasn’t progressing towards my fitness goals, I could go back and evaluate what wasn’t working.  If I had a particularly great week, I could also go back and see what I did that worked.  Whether you track it online, in a paper journal, or on your iphone, tracking it is the key to making progress towards your weight loss goals.  Send me Direct Message with your email address if you would like a sample excel spreadsheet to track your progress.
• Find a buddy - a strong support network is key.  Find a buddy or a group of friends to hold each other accountable.  Share your progress with them on a weekly basis.
• Plan out your meals and snacks- By planning in advance, you will make smarter food choices.  Planning also makes it easier to compensate for big events where you know you might splurge.  Store up your calories and save them for that special event.
• Bring healthy snacks with you-  I like to carry small snacks with me during the day.  When I don’t, I often end up gorging on a box of Junior Mints.  Planning is essential to healthy eating.  Some healthy snack ideas include a sliced up apple, skim-milk mozzarella cheese stick, small portion of almonds.
• Find an exercise routine that you like or even love!- You are much more likely to do the exercise if you like what you are doing!  I LOVE to dance, so I have created a dance routine that I do.  It is more like play than exercise.
• Develop a routine- Exercise at the same time every day.
• Give yourself a break- Take one day off of exercising each week to give your body a chance to recover.
• Don’t over do it- if you go crazy by working out three times a day, you may injure yourself or burn out quickly.
• Don’t beat yourself up- if you “fail” by eating too much or skipping the gym one day, do better the next day.  The only failure is when you give up.