Ode to Nail Polish

It started out like a Monday.  The phone rang too early  and woke the baby.  My cherished twenty minutes of peace and quiet I pray for every morning – vanished.  The doorbell rang with some workmen needing me to move the car…..now….I’m still in my husband’s boxer shorts and an old ratty shirt.  My hair is every rat’s dream.  The kids wake up and it looks like a fighting day.  The day continues……

Yet suddenly, the tide changes.  The baby takes a nap.  The big kids disappear into their room completely engaged in their creation of la la land.  I glance at the laundry waiting in Mt. Everest proportions.  Should I?

I seize the moment, heat the wax,grab my favorite flaming red nail polish, disappear into my boudoir and set to work.  I emerge transformed.  Suddenly the day’s energy flows in a completely synergistic way.  The baby wakes refreshed.   The big kids are content and kinder to one another.  Dinner makes it into the crockpot.  I conquer the laundry which is Mt. Everest.

All this because my eyebrows no longer resemble fuzzy caterpillars and my toes are flaming red.  Isn’t life grand?

Am I a Cougar……..cub?

Did you happen to see the article on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle about the first annual women Cougar Convention?  And what’s up with Courtney Cox’s new TV show “Cougar Town”?  I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what bothers me about the “cougar” trend.  When I was married I was so happy that I was not single because I had such a fear of being out in the dating scene as an “older” woman.  I’m ashamed to admit that I saw single women of my age and older as desperate.  Well, well, well, here I am now – newly single and scared to death.  I wonder if people will look at me and think I am a “cougar” or constantly on the prowl?

Chloe reminded me of a story I once told her…I attended a fundraiser where a significantly older woman and her collegiate looking “escort” (so the rumors went) were sitting across the table from me.  They were completely enthralled with each other (if you know what I mean) and oblivious to the world around them.  I am embarrassed to say that I couldn’t take my eyes off of them (where was I supposed to look?).  Here was this older woman out with a gorgeous younger man,  having the time of her life (at least she looked like it from my vantage point).  I was completely jealous.

If a woman is out with a younger man is she considered a cougar?  I don’t think so.  I think “cougar” is a derogatory term that invokes visions of a tramp in a tight dress who will sleep with anything that moves (sorry, but I’m discerning). Just because a woman is out having fun with a younger man does not mean she is a cougar.  It means she wants to have a good time with a younger man and doesn’t care what people think.  Why is it  socially acceptable for a man to be seen with a young female and instead of being criticized he is given a high five?  Hmm, so much for equality between the sexes.

I often wonder how men view the new “cougar” movement.  Surely memories of “American Pie”, Harold and Maude, or the overtly seductive Mrs. Robinson fill their minds ( I think Harold and Maude is pushing it a bit but we all have our thing).  Chloe’s husband likes the “cougar” concept.   He thinks the term represents a  sexy, confident woman (which is good because that’s exactly what he’s got).  After all, what’s more intriguing than a woman with confidence?

I am not a cougar (nor do I aspire to be one) and I am most certainly not on the prowl.  I am, however, a strong, sexy, confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and is no longer afraid to go get it.  So what if I’m particularly fond of the High School Musical movies…the choreography is excellent.

The Perfect Fall Party- the Pumpkin Party!

The first day of Autumn is here.  Where did the summer go?  The weather is feels different, the days are getting shorter and my thoughts turn to the planning of our annual Pumpkin Party.  Originally  we started doing this event as a way to rejoice in the changing of the season (which in Northern California is not really noticeable till the end of October) and to celebrate Halloween without all the gory costumes, hoopla and CANDY!  We had so much fun that it has now become a much anticipated tradition with our friends and family.

The basic ingredients for our fabulous Pumpkin Party are -

• One large pot of Pumpkin Stew (made once a year for this special day)
• Corn bread
• Beer , wine and apple cider

We usually have munchies that are orange or seasonal like – carrots, orange bell peppers, dip, tortilla chips and salsa, pumpkin shaped sugar cookies and my fave – candy corn!

All attendees are requested to show up in costume.  Decorations include scarecrows  (made with Grandad’s old paint clothes), spider webs, indian corn, gourds and any other fall ornamentation we run across.  Of course the most important accoutrement …..everyone must bring their own pumpkin for carving and showcasing in the Jack-o-Lantern extravaganza.

Other things are added or deleted depending on the year and the attendees.  We have had costume contests, apple bobbing, cookie decorating, made sugar skulls in honor of  Día de los Muertos and built straw bale forts.  This year the kids want to create a haunted house.  Hmmm.

But the main event is always the carving of the pumpkins which is done outdoors on long tables before the sun sets.  Than all attendees have huge bowl of stew, enjoy some good conversation and wait until dark.  Then we all head out doors and the lighting of the Jack-o-Lanterns begins.  We all ohh and ahhh over everyone’s masterpieces.  People use stencils but many do some incredible pumpkin art freehand.  It is quite inspiring.

The Pumpkin Party is an easy party to put together.  It easily adapts to different ages and works with a small number of people or a larger crowd.  It is a great way to enjoy the changing of the seasons and the company of family and good friends.

Happy Fall!

Fiscally Responsible Fall Fashion

The fashion magazines have had their big, fat, juicy Fall issues out on the shelves recently previewing this season’s most highly desired clothing and accessories.   I for one am loving the Grecian gowns by Bottega Veneta (I’ve always loved their shoes!) and have you seen the beautiful new Chanel ads?   What about those super cool ankle boots  from Tod’s (which would look great with tights and a mini) for the unbelievable price of only…..$765.  Aren’t you excited?  Well I think it is ridiculous.  Who would pay that for a pair of boots?  It is so frustrating… the new ads, the cool new clothes for Fall.  Whatever is a fashion conscience girl to do?

A fashion magazine provides you with an abundance of knowledge on the upcoming trends and styles.  Instead of crying because you can’t afford what you see on the pages of your favorite magazine, look at the pages and think of ways to use what you already have in your closet to mimic your favorite styles.  Boots are definitely in for Fall and while I might not be able to afford that great pair oxford booties which I adore, I do own the essential wardrobe staple…the tall black boot.  They might not be as exciting as the more trendy styles out right now but we have to work with what we’ve got and the classic black book will never go out of style.

With cold weather approaching tights are definitely the way to go.  I am seeing more budget conscience magazines give advice on layering long sleeved tees under summer dresses with tights and boots (hey if you don’t have boots, flats will work just as well).  Get creative, become inspired.  I look through my magazines and think “hey, can I do that?  I never would have thought of putting that shirt with that skirt but it looks good.”  My daughter wants to become a fashion designer when she grows up and will come up with some of the most creative outfit combinations.  I used to veto the outfit based on the wildly held fashion laws of combining colors and fabrics until she put them on.   Her outfits looked great!  Never underestimate the value of a possible outfit without trying it on first.  It’s amazing how expressive you can get with your style and you might get a few praises as well.

If you do have a little extra cash laying around for your winter wardrobe stock up on those staples.  While the magazines advise hitting J Crew (definitely a personal favorite) for the essential tights and tees, I advice going to Target or Old Navy.  I would rather spend less on these necessities and instead be able to purchase the J Crew cashmere sweater instead (although that will not be happening any time soon either).   I don’t think anyone likes to cut back, especially on clothes, but these days we need to work with what we’ve got.  Don’t get depressed because the outfits you covet from the magazines are out of your price range.  Mix it up and get real!

2 boys and a girl

So, “Sophie” asked me this, “hey ginger.  I am up for a promotion against two fairly connected guys.  How do I stand out?”

Before I answer this question, I would like to point out that I like men.  A lot.  I work extremely well with men- my two business partners are both men.  I find that collaboration with men can be professionally rewarding.  I am sure we work well together because they both know who is really in charge (wink).

Unfortunately, not all of my collaborations with men have been quite so grand.  Excuse me for being cynical, but after spending a lot of time in male dominated organizations where I was left behind while the men had business meetings at strip clubs, I have a little experience.  I even tried to join one particular boss & crew at the strip club and he made it very clear I was not included.  So, how do you compete?  Well, I wish I could say men & women were on the same playing field but that just isn’t the case.  Men often have a leg ahead.  I hate to say that, but it is true and studies back me up.

I read a research report (from economists at Duke, UCSD & UC Boulder) where it was found men outperform women 72% of the time in head to head competition with a woman.  Controlling for ability using past performance explained only 27% of the difference, while the bulk of the difference seems to be explained by gender.  The study suggests 1) that competing against women increases male performance, 2) that the higher the proportion of women among competition, the better men perform.  The report concludes that a big reason for the differences in pay and promotion in the workplace may be because women do not perform as well in competitive situations as men do when put up against a woman.

What is up with that ladies? 53% of the time, women with greater ability lost out in competition with men because men step up their game.  Who says men have performance issues?  Clearly most men don’t in the workplace.

So, how does a woman even out the playing field?  (The researched part of this post ends in 5…4…3…2…1

You have to step it up.  No more Mrs. Nice Guy.  The research above says we aren’t competing hard enough. Is it our maternal instincts? Are we afraid of appearing like a bitch?  Do we lack self-confidence and think that are skill sets are not up to par, even if they are?  Maybe all of those times being left behind while the men go to the strip clubs makes us feel less worthy.  I don’t know, but it needs to stop.  If you are up against a man, you can’t be equal.  You have to be better or your chances of getting that promotion aren’t good.

Outsmart them.  You have the knowledge and the skills.  No holds barred.  Prepare.  Over prepare.  And prepare again.  If the studies are correct and we aren’t winning in a majority of cases when we are stronger because we just don’t compete hard enough, THAT can be changed.

Introducing Chloe & Estelle

So, you might have heard some rumblings this week, seen a few changes around this site. Yes, it is official. Ginger Knows just got a LOT sassier (and a lot more frequent!). I started Ginger Knows for fun, to share my life outside my work, and to give other people advice because I am never short on opinions. Fortunately, I know that the best answers to life’s big questions are found with the advice, support and guidance of good friends. I have brought in some of my best friends, Estelle and Chloe, to share their lives, opinions, and advice with you.

We have known each other for most of our lives. We have shared moments big and small- from playing tag in the park as children, seeking out boys (and running away), marriages, divorces, having children, and of course, trying to decide what to wear in those critical moments and honestly answering each other when asked, “do these jeans make my butt look big?” ((Cringe)). We have shared these monumental moments in our lives together.

We are the best of friends. We are highly opinionated, fiercely loyal and we tackle life’s big problems in very different ways. We often disagree and we are far better solving each other’s problems then our own.

These girls are smart. These girls are sassy. They push the boundaries. They are down right funny. We are thrilled to be tackling life’s problems together.  Please welcome them to Ginger Knows…

• About Chloe
• Chloe’s First Post- Hey Babe, Your Place or Mine
• About Estelle
• Estelle’s First Post-Since when is a $795 coat a steal?

Since when is a $795 coat a steal?

I’m kind of tired of reading articles in fashion magazines talking about “fashion on a budget” when really there is no budget involved. Perhaps cutting back to two pairs of Louboutins instead of three or the smaller Chloe clutch as opposed to the Chanel lambskin tote is really cinching the belt to some privileged few, but seriously, do we need to read that?  I have been an avid subscriber to fashion magazines for many many years (does anybody remember Sassy and Mademoiselle?) and lately have been tempted to just throw my magazine in the recycle bin rather than torture myself with all the goodies that I don’t have the money to buy.  I can’t do it.  I can’t throw it away.  If you love fashion you know what I mean.

These magazines a perpetuating the idea that any fashion conscience woman will be able to identify and mimic the lifestyles of the wealthy few. I for one am incapable of competing with this logic. I cannot afford one pair of Manolo Blahnik’s (even on clearance) let alone copy the daily shopping habits (budget or not) of those displayed in the magazines.  It makes me feel inferior about my own clothes, my job (or lack thereof), my hair and my overall person. That great feeling that I once had when I opened my new magazine is tinged with a sense of mediocrity within my own self.  I find that I am depressed when I read that other women can still go out and shop enthusiastically while I have to avoid the mall at all costs.

These women may be living on a budget within their own highly unrealistic world but that is not real life.  I think it is irresponsible of these magazines to flaunt the shopping habits of the rich and famous when most of us can barely scrounge up enough money to pay the house payment. Couldn’t magazines be sensitive to the needs of their readers and offer advice on how to dress stylishly on the average person’s budget?  It’s frustrating when a magazine is advertising two different coats with one at $2,600 and the other at a steal of a price (you know for us financially challenged consumers) at $795.  Can you afford $795 for a new fall coat?  I certainly can’t and I’m willing to bet 95% of the popoulation agrees with me on this one.   Fashion magazines may be up on all of the trends within the world of fashion, but wouldn’t it be nice for them to pay attention to what is happening to their readers  financially and let that dictate how they present that material to their readers? Let’s get real.

Hey Babe, Your Place or Mine?

Have you heard about the new bar scene?  Okay , not exactly bar scene but a new way to check out the latest meat on the market?  Apparently “dating”  has entered a new era.  Dating use to mean dinner, dancing, talking late into the night and getting to “know” each other.  Maybe if his breath didn’t stink or her laugh didn’t sound like nails on a chalkboard, you would have a meeting of minds or in other words do the horizontal tango.

Well, now we enter the age of internet dating.   You exchange a few emails, a picture,  set up a meeting at the local coffee shop, decide that his breathe doesn’t smell too bad and you only have to listen to her laugh of a few hours.  You head back to his/her place and wham bam thank you ma’am.

I think I am just too old fashioned.  I can’t imagine marketing myself on one these “dating” websites. looking for random sexual encounters with men I don’t know and more than likely don’t want to know.  Yet according an article in the August issue of Glamour magazine, these types of “dating” websites are becoming increasingly popular especially with women.

I can totally see the turn-on of doing something so daring, so risque, so casual; yet for me personally, I think I would only get so far and my brain would start yelling “STOP!”  This is so wrong.  What if this person is some kind of pervert.  Or worse.  Perhaps I just have an overactive imagination?

I  think the danger of letting an unknown person be so intimate with me would kill anything erotic about it.  What if I changed my mind?  Would I be raped?  Would he get angry and hit me? What if he lied or didn’t know about some funky STD?  Or god forbid the birth control failed and I got pregnant. Yikes.

It’s seems like these type of encounters would not be satisfying for long.  I would be longing for more.  I am not judging anyone who chooses this form of sexual fulfillment. I mean you go girl.  We earned the right to empower ourselves. but personally, I think I would rather just stick to my dildo.

Failure leads to greatness

September 11 has a very different connotation for me than for many of you.  Today is my 10th wedding anniversary.  Sadly, that relationship is over- it ended a little over a year ago. I have to admit, there have been many moments where I felt like a failure for not being able to complete the dream.

I am not a quitter.  When I do something, I put my heart and my soul into it.  I hate the idea that I failed at this.  Becky McCray posted a timely post today with quotes about failure. Micah Baldwin was quoted as saying:  “failure isn’t about “not winning” it’s about heart wrenching actions leading to fundamental change.”

This year has definitely been a year of heart wrenching fundamental change for me.  I have always lived my life with passion.  I have a burning desire to conquer things and make the world a better place.

Yes, I failed.  In a big way.  But I have also learned so much this year about who I am, what I want, what I need and really- most importantly- what I can do.  Sometimes those big failures are the catalysts for the seeds of change that will create our biggest successes.

Today I might cry over the loss of a fantasy and a dream I might have had ten years ago, but I am also going to pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate the future that I am creating.

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch”

We aren’t defined by our failures and losses, we are defined by what we do with them.  When I look back at what I have accomplished in the last year and a half, I am pretty darn proud of where it started, and what I accomplished personally, professionally and for the world we live in together.

I have so much more I want to do.  So much more that I can do.  It is the lessons that we have learned from our losses and failures that give us the strength and the wisdom and the courage to do great things.

Pop a cork with me and celebrate our future.  You define your future, your year and your life.

Set your soul on fire.  Find your passion.  I am.

A spoon full of sugar

I woke up this morning to the sound of waves crashing, and children giggling.  It put a smile on face.  The last couple of weeks have been tough for me personally.   I was thinking this morning of things that make me happy.  At times in our life we must deal with hardships and darkness in our lives, but is the little moments and simple things that can bring joy.  A thought for your day from, of all places, Winnie the Pooh:

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Whether you are worrying about money, love, the wellness of a family member, the success of your children,  friendships and the like, it is important to take a step back and remember the little things that brighten our days and warm our hearts.