Survival of the Fittest

The “survival of the fittest” is a term we’ve all heard often enough.It has been used many times and in many different contexts. But what does it mean to us on a daily basis when life is just not going our way? The ability to survive into today’s world takes a lot of guts and quite a bit of courage. The unemployment rate is slowly creeping upwards, the housing market is at a stand-still, and the divorce rate is skyrocketing. People are scared and nervous about the future.

It’s OK to be frightened; we’re human.  It’s a tough time for all of us.  Unfortunately it means that we will have to work harder to achieve success.  Job hunting now requires some serious work.  We are forced to step out of our safety zone and become more pro-active.  If we want that paycheck we are just going to have to get creative and explore our hidden talents.  Hey, we might even be able to add that to our resumes.

It’s amazing how hard we’ll fight for what we truly want.  If your marriage is struggling for survival but you’re not ready to give up then don’t.  Try going to counseling or opening the doors of communication.   People are under tremendous stress and anxiety; that is enough to put a strain on the most solid of relationships, friendships included.  It’s amazing how nice it is to have a shoulder to cry on.

The future may look like a tornado on the horizon but that doesn’t mean we need to run to a shelter and hide. Everyone has that special place or need which fills the gaps and makes the hard stuff not so bad. I know that if I go to the beach I will feel better. I know that being near the ocean and feeling the ebb and flow of nature will put a smile on my face.I know that I can escape in a great book.I am a reader and I believe in the healing power of the imagination; what a wonderful escape!Everyone is different and everyone has that one thing that will make everything ok. Do you love art? Go to a museum and just sit. Do you love to run? Make that time and run. Go out when the sun is peeking up and the air is crisp and clean, take it in and feel it, claim it and don’t give up. Surround yourself with happiness and amazingly it will creep into those holes and fill them. Life’s problems may still be there but you’ll have fulfillment deep inside.

We’ve got to hang on; we’ve got to survive. We can’t let the bad stuff win.

The Passion to Create

I recently rediscovered new joy and satisfaction in the power of creation. Lately I am finding myself driven to create.  A conversation with my daughter sends my imagination on a wild ride or a new idea pops into my head and I obsess about it until I get it down on paper.  It is a powerful feeling and it makes me feel alive.

My free time is limited but I am making a new business happen.   When I find the energy to create, even if it is small and uncomplicated, I find happiness.  Sharing this creativity inspires me further and I shuffle my time  in order to bring my ideas into fruition. Life is so much more satisfying when I am inspired. Inspiration takes on  many forms and the creative possibilities are infinite.

There are so many ways to get inspired. Slow down for a moment,  take a walk on the beach or in the forest and really breathe. Meditation, reading a good book  or surrounding yourself with interesting people can stimulate creativity. Without it, life just becomes mundane and routine. Reconnect with your creative side and discover your passion.  You never know where it might lead.

October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  It is a time to give support to those who have survived abuse and mourn the loss of those who did not.  It is a time to recognize the individuals who offer hope and support and to become advocates ourselves.   Sometimes help is the only option.  Sometimes you just can’t do it on your own.

Domestic Violence used to be thought of as the physical abuse that one spouse inflicts on the other.  Today we know that violence occurs in many forms.  Abuse can be psychological, emotional, financial, physical or a combination of any these.   It is one person exerting their control over the  other or preventing them from maturing or succeeding as an individual.  It is one spouse keeping the other spouse down.

Psychological abuse involves lies and mind games.  The victim might be told that he/she is crazy or imagining things.   The abuse could be emotional.  There might be lying and manipulation of the victim’s feelings.  Financial abuse involves one spouse denying the other access to money or financial independence.  All of these are silent crimes which happen behind closed doors; the physical ones are a bit more obvious.  The home is no place for this type of oppression.

There are many resources in place to aid the victims and provide them with  alternatives.  Often times the victims have been excluded from society with little communication with family or friends.  They have no access to money and feel dependent on the abuser for support.  The situation might seem hopeless but there is help.  There are services in place to end the cycle of abuse and transition into a new life.

Information about Domestic Violence Awareness month can be found at Domestic Violence Awareness Project and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.   You can also check the computer for listings of resources available in your area.

If you know of an individual who is the victim of domestic violence let them know that they are not alone.   Let them know that when they are ready to leave that you will be there every step of the way.   Just because domestic abuse happens behind closed doors does not mean that it has to stay there.

Nutrition Nature’s Way

My daughter came  home the other day with a coloring book on nutrition from the county health department.  Her first question was  “why do they say I shouldn’t drink whole milk? I thought whole milk is good for you.”  It really made me look at all the mixed messages she will be receiving concerning healthy eating and exercise.

We have fallen victims to the nation’s very persuasive marketing of diet and exercise fads. I remember being talked into trying this awful diet where all you ate was watermelon for the first week. Sure I lost weight (which I of course I  gained back as quickly as I lost it) but I felt terrible and I still thought I didn’t look as gorgeous as my friend and no diet could change that. I’ve tried Atkins, vegetarianism, low-fat,  and starvation.  I’ve worked out at the gym, did pilates, yoga, aerobic classes and put hundreds of miles on my running shoes. I was so obsessed was I with running 7 days a  week that I went running in 120 degree heat in the middle of the day because it was the only time I could fit it in! Can we say heat stroke?

So I began the journey towards discovering the true way to be healthy.  I have read and formulated reasons why one thing is better than another, tested recipes, threw everything out the window and I always come back to the same thing….eat good clean whole foods, move your body daily, drink lots of water, get plenty of sleep…that’s it.   Not revolutionary nor is it a quick fix but I feel great and am well on my way to wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans after multiple kids.

In our house we having “growing” foods like whole milk, vegetables, fruit, meat and grains which we eat everyday. We watch our portions (only the adults),  eat our sweets in moderation (life is much sweeter with an afternoon indulgence of chocolate raisins) and enjoy a daily walk. We don’t follow FDA guidelines. If this is the way we should be eating, why is obesity on the rise? We follow Mother Nature’s guideline’s in our house. If we don’t recognize the ingredient on the label, then our body can’t recognize it as a food source. The closer our food is to it’s natural form, the more satisfied we will be and less likely we will be to over -indulge. If you can’t resist something, don’t let it into your house to begin with!   The kids really won’t die if they have carrots and ranch dip in their lunches rather than potato chips.

A nip and tuck here, a lift and suck there?

Plastic surgery is pretty common today.   There’s a good chance that you know someone who has had some body part “done”.  A nip and tuck here, a lift and suck there.   At one time only celebrities went under the knife.  They took off on a  little vacation, perhaps a nice little jaunt to a secluded spa or retreat, only to return invigorated and refreshed…    looking years younger, much thinner, and boobs perkier.  Today it has become so commonplace that 18 year olds are receiving boob jobs for graduation presents.  I even recall one trip to the topless pool at Caesars Palace in Vegas. Two young women were eagerly flaunting the still fleshy pink scars below their breasts to a group of highly curious admirers.  Uhm…yuck!

Cosmetic procedures have become mainstream but nonetheless still controversial.  How many times have you commented on a woman’s overly inflated chest or her Joker mask of a face?  I believe there is a stigma still attached to the words “boob job” “face lift” and “tummy tuck” and we initially think less of a person because they’ve had “work done”.  Women have the right to make informed decisions about their bodies regardless of what other people think; we should respect their decision and not criticize them for it.

Voluntarily going under the knife is not a decision to be taken lightly.  Cosmetic surgery is a major procedure and there’s always a chance of complications.  A very petite friend of mine debated for years about whether or not to get a breast augmentation.   When we’d go to the mall  she would always refuse to go into Victoria’s Secret or any other lingerie store because she was embarrassed that she couldn’t fit into any of their bras.  She ended up going against the wishes of her husband (who thought she looked great the way she was) and having the procedure.  A few hours after she got home she noticed significant swelling in one of her breasts.  She was bleeding internally and they had to do emergency surgery to stop it.  She ended up being ok  (apparently with the exception of two noticeably mismatched scars) but she put us through a real scare.  This didn’t happen to a stripper who wanted to go up a size from her D’s (which would have been totally uncool as well).  This was a wife and mother of two who only wanted to shop in  Victoria’s Secret.

Women need to think hard about the reasons why they are considering surgery and decide if their reasoning is sound.  Physical beauty is highly relative and one should never, under any circumstances, alter their physical appearance in order to please someone else (just ask those people who’ve had to remove their former lover’s name from their chest).  It’s a nice idea to get some input from friends, a spouse, or significant other, but ultimately it is a decision for one person and one person only.  Is it worth the risk?  I don’t know…you tell me.