Defining ourselves

Let’s face it.  Life throws experiences at us every day.  When we let that experience define as a whole, we limit any potential for growth.  A blogger posted her bio.  A mum with kids, one on the way, her mother died unexpectedly, her brother committed suicide shortly after.  I felt her sadness and I also felt the darkness that permeated her life.  This experience as it was stated in her bio, not in a post, had become the way she saw herself.  I am not trying  to trivialize her tragedy.  The sadness of her loss must be with her every moment of her days.  I started thinking how experience defines who we are.

There are moments which have such huge impact on our lives.  There are small every day moments that may not have a instantaneous impact but still molds our spirit.  What types of events have a stronger impact on how we see ourselves?

Certain events in my life have defined who I was for a period of time.  A serious relationship ended by the discovery of an affair, a long illness, giving birth.  Though these events defined me completely during those periods, they eventually became a part of my life experiences.  Wisdom earned to draw upon when I need strength and perspective.

What defines us seems to be not just the event, small or large but how long we process it and move forward.  Some are better at this then others  (Think about a woman in an abusive relationship who leaves that one to venture into another).  Some have less dramatic defining events to add  to their experiences than others.

The most important thing to realize is that defining yourself must be an evolving process.  We are not single faceted.  We are more than just our profession, life circumstances or personality traits.  We are all a little bit of everything.  Defining ourselves in a limited manner only limits our possibilities.  The world does that to us as it is, why should we do it to ourselves as well?

Dear Santa, my Grown Up Wish List

Dear Santa

I haven’t written you a letter in a long time.  My kids wrote their Santa letters to you tonight, and I thought I should too.  I know you can’t make all my dreams come true, but I hope you take serious consideration of my list.

I wish for:

• My kids health and safety.  They have so much to offer.  Let them have the chance to grow, create and change the world we live in.  They will accomplish great things.
• A cure for cancer.  Enough said.
• Good health for my friends and the rest of my family.  For those that may leave us, I wish them safe travels and an easy journey.
• I would like to wish for world peace, but I don’t believe it will ever happen. Instead, I would like to request world tolerance and understanding.   A world without dissent is a world we probably don’t want to live in.  I wish for good debate and dissent in a manner that doesn’t take people’s lives.
• I wish for shelter and food for all of the world’s children.
• I wish for no regrets.
• I would really like a real vacation, but I would give it up for any of the above.

I know I am asking for a lot.  In return, I promise to:

• Seek out the greater good.
• Do my best to give back.
• Raise my children to be tolerant, to listen to other’s beliefs and to challenge their own.
• Lead by example by being tolerant, listening to other’s beliefs, and to challenge my own.
• Make lots of mistakes, but learn and grown from them.

Love,

Ginger

P.S.  For those of you who are reading this and don’t believe in Santa, perhaps you might take a moment to believe in yourself and your power to change the world we live in.  Eventually baby steps may lead to a marathon.  You have to start somewhere. Make a change in 2010.  You do have the power.

Thanks!

I will keep this short and sweet.

Thanks for -

• My kids
• My hubby
• Estelle
• Ginger
• my family
• new learning experiences
• Mr. Putters
• my awesome friends

Lucky, Grateful and Thankful

I try to be thankful for what I have every day but it can be hard when you are in the middle of it all, paying bills, rushing to work, etc.  I have had a couple of really yucky years to be quite honest.  People often tell me how glamorous my life looks and I look at them like they are crazy.  Oh yes, being a single mom living in the most expensive area in the country working in the most depressed industry around is glamorous.  But anyway.  THAT is another post.

I AM lucky, grateful and thankful. I have two of the most beautiful kids in the world.  Not just physically although they are darn cute.  Their bright smiles brighten my day.  There is nothing better than hearing the words, “I love you mama.” Cherish all the tiny monumental moments with your children.  They truly do make every day worth living.

I am so fortunate to have my parents, my grandmother and my sisters not only in my life, but all living in California less than 2 hours from me.  Yes, I say sister(s).  I adopted one this year (long story).

I am thankful that my dear friend with breast cancer is still here after a nearly 3 year battle from hell.  I don’t talk to her nearly often enough but I sure think of her a lot.  The strength that she has shown under conditions that are unreal is amazing.  She is a true inspiration to me.

I have the most amazing friends.  (You know who you are!)  I could not have survived the last two years without them.  I will admit there were days (or weeks) when I might have be temporarily crazy, weird, moody, cranky and yet they stood by me and supported me through the roller coaster of emotions.  Maybe they are the crazy ones, but I love them for it.

Somehow I managed to find a fantastic boyfriend.  He snuck up on me when I least expected him and has stuck by my side despite the chaos in my life.  He makes me laugh, even when I don’t want him to.  He is the calm in my storm.

I started a new business this last year.  I like to think of it as family owned because my partners have become part of my extended family.  Being a new business, we have all kinds of challenges, but we are lucky they are good ones.  My partners challenge me, inspire me and support me.  They are also exceptionally talented at providing comedic relief when needed.

I am thankful technology removes barriers of distance & enables me to keep in touch with my friends & family no matter where they are.  Can you imagine not being able to have unlimited long distance?  Not having skype or text messaging? No twitter?  The horror of it all.

So no, my life isn’t really glamorous, but I sure am lucky.

The Tiniest Monumental Moments

This morning I woke up to feel a small finger tracing the outline of my nose, across my eyelids, and over my mouth.  A gentle breath on my face, and then a tiny whisper in my ear, “I love you mama.”

I opened my eyes to see the sweet face of my son, who then repeated, “I love you mama.”

So often in our lives, we celebrate the big moments.  Weddings, graduations, the superbowl, the college championship game.  These events are all monumental moments, but we tend to forget the small stuff.

The sweet words of a small child, the teenager who made their bed without asking, the wife who made a delicious dinner, the boyfriend who brought over a bar of chocolate, a brief text message saying BOO, I am thinking of you, or an unexpected phone call just to say hello.

As important as the big picture is, we need to step back, pause and appreciate all of the small moments that bring a tear to our eye, a smile to our face, our make our hearts flutter just a moment.  My best memories from my childhood aren’t about major events.  My best memories are baking sugar cookies with my grandma, doing the hokey pokey with my cousins, or playing disco barbies with my sister.

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

Rob Thomas, Little Wonders

It is always great to keep on eye on the big picture and the long term goal, but if we don’t stop and cherish the small moments, we may have missed out on the entire journey.  Be it professional or personal, take a moment to celebrate the small wins in your day.  It is these moments that carry us through, bring joy to our lives,  and help us reach our ultimate goal.

Survival of the Fittest

The “survival of the fittest” is a term we’ve all heard often enough.It has been used many times and in many different contexts. But what does it mean to us on a daily basis when life is just not going our way? The ability to survive into today’s world takes a lot of guts and quite a bit of courage. The unemployment rate is slowly creeping upwards, the housing market is at a stand-still, and the divorce rate is skyrocketing. People are scared and nervous about the future.

It’s OK to be frightened; we’re human.  It’s a tough time for all of us.  Unfortunately it means that we will have to work harder to achieve success.  Job hunting now requires some serious work.  We are forced to step out of our safety zone and become more pro-active.  If we want that paycheck we are just going to have to get creative and explore our hidden talents.  Hey, we might even be able to add that to our resumes.

It’s amazing how hard we’ll fight for what we truly want.  If your marriage is struggling for survival but you’re not ready to give up then don’t.  Try going to counseling or opening the doors of communication.   People are under tremendous stress and anxiety; that is enough to put a strain on the most solid of relationships, friendships included.  It’s amazing how nice it is to have a shoulder to cry on.

The future may look like a tornado on the horizon but that doesn’t mean we need to run to a shelter and hide. Everyone has that special place or need which fills the gaps and makes the hard stuff not so bad. I know that if I go to the beach I will feel better. I know that being near the ocean and feeling the ebb and flow of nature will put a smile on my face.I know that I can escape in a great book.I am a reader and I believe in the healing power of the imagination; what a wonderful escape!Everyone is different and everyone has that one thing that will make everything ok. Do you love art? Go to a museum and just sit. Do you love to run? Make that time and run. Go out when the sun is peeking up and the air is crisp and clean, take it in and feel it, claim it and don’t give up. Surround yourself with happiness and amazingly it will creep into those holes and fill them. Life’s problems may still be there but you’ll have fulfillment deep inside.

We’ve got to hang on; we’ve got to survive. We can’t let the bad stuff win.

Am I a Cougar……..cub?

Did you happen to see the article on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle about the first annual women Cougar Convention?  And what’s up with Courtney Cox’s new TV show “Cougar Town”?  I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what bothers me about the “cougar” trend.  When I was married I was so happy that I was not single because I had such a fear of being out in the dating scene as an “older” woman.  I’m ashamed to admit that I saw single women of my age and older as desperate.  Well, well, well, here I am now – newly single and scared to death.  I wonder if people will look at me and think I am a “cougar” or constantly on the prowl?

Chloe reminded me of a story I once told her…I attended a fundraiser where a significantly older woman and her collegiate looking “escort” (so the rumors went) were sitting across the table from me.  They were completely enthralled with each other (if you know what I mean) and oblivious to the world around them.  I am embarrassed to say that I couldn’t take my eyes off of them (where was I supposed to look?).  Here was this older woman out with a gorgeous younger man,  having the time of her life (at least she looked like it from my vantage point).  I was completely jealous.

If a woman is out with a younger man is she considered a cougar?  I don’t think so.  I think “cougar” is a derogatory term that invokes visions of a tramp in a tight dress who will sleep with anything that moves (sorry, but I’m discerning). Just because a woman is out having fun with a younger man does not mean she is a cougar.  It means she wants to have a good time with a younger man and doesn’t care what people think.  Why is it  socially acceptable for a man to be seen with a young female and instead of being criticized he is given a high five?  Hmm, so much for equality between the sexes.

I often wonder how men view the new “cougar” movement.  Surely memories of “American Pie”, Harold and Maude, or the overtly seductive Mrs. Robinson fill their minds ( I think Harold and Maude is pushing it a bit but we all have our thing).  Chloe’s husband likes the “cougar” concept.   He thinks the term represents a  sexy, confident woman (which is good because that’s exactly what he’s got).  After all, what’s more intriguing than a woman with confidence?

I am not a cougar (nor do I aspire to be one) and I am most certainly not on the prowl.  I am, however, a strong, sexy, confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and is no longer afraid to go get it.  So what if I’m particularly fond of the High School Musical movies…the choreography is excellent.

Hey Babe, Your Place or Mine?

Have you heard about the new bar scene?  Okay , not exactly bar scene but a new way to check out the latest meat on the market?  Apparently “dating”  has entered a new era.  Dating use to mean dinner, dancing, talking late into the night and getting to “know” each other.  Maybe if his breath didn’t stink or her laugh didn’t sound like nails on a chalkboard, you would have a meeting of minds or in other words do the horizontal tango.

Well, now we enter the age of internet dating.   You exchange a few emails, a picture,  set up a meeting at the local coffee shop, decide that his breathe doesn’t smell too bad and you only have to listen to her laugh of a few hours.  You head back to his/her place and wham bam thank you ma’am.

I think I am just too old fashioned.  I can’t imagine marketing myself on one these “dating” websites. looking for random sexual encounters with men I don’t know and more than likely don’t want to know.  Yet according an article in the August issue of Glamour magazine, these types of “dating” websites are becoming increasingly popular especially with women.

I can totally see the turn-on of doing something so daring, so risque, so casual; yet for me personally, I think I would only get so far and my brain would start yelling “STOP!”  This is so wrong.  What if this person is some kind of pervert.  Or worse.  Perhaps I just have an overactive imagination?

I  think the danger of letting an unknown person be so intimate with me would kill anything erotic about it.  What if I changed my mind?  Would I be raped?  Would he get angry and hit me? What if he lied or didn’t know about some funky STD?  Or god forbid the birth control failed and I got pregnant. Yikes.

It’s seems like these type of encounters would not be satisfying for long.  I would be longing for more.  I am not judging anyone who chooses this form of sexual fulfillment. I mean you go girl.  We earned the right to empower ourselves. but personally, I think I would rather just stick to my dildo.

Failure leads to greatness

September 11 has a very different connotation for me than for many of you.  Today is my 10th wedding anniversary.  Sadly, that relationship is over- it ended a little over a year ago. I have to admit, there have been many moments where I felt like a failure for not being able to complete the dream.

I am not a quitter.  When I do something, I put my heart and my soul into it.  I hate the idea that I failed at this.  Becky McCray posted a timely post today with quotes about failure. Micah Baldwin was quoted as saying:  “failure isn’t about “not winning” it’s about heart wrenching actions leading to fundamental change.”

This year has definitely been a year of heart wrenching fundamental change for me.  I have always lived my life with passion.  I have a burning desire to conquer things and make the world a better place.

Yes, I failed.  In a big way.  But I have also learned so much this year about who I am, what I want, what I need and really- most importantly- what I can do.  Sometimes those big failures are the catalysts for the seeds of change that will create our biggest successes.

Today I might cry over the loss of a fantasy and a dream I might have had ten years ago, but I am also going to pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate the future that I am creating.

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch”

We aren’t defined by our failures and losses, we are defined by what we do with them.  When I look back at what I have accomplished in the last year and a half, I am pretty darn proud of where it started, and what I accomplished personally, professionally and for the world we live in together.

I have so much more I want to do.  So much more that I can do.  It is the lessons that we have learned from our losses and failures that give us the strength and the wisdom and the courage to do great things.

Pop a cork with me and celebrate our future.  You define your future, your year and your life.

Set your soul on fire.  Find your passion.  I am.

A spoon full of sugar

I woke up this morning to the sound of waves crashing, and children giggling.  It put a smile on face.  The last couple of weeks have been tough for me personally.   I was thinking this morning of things that make me happy.  At times in our life we must deal with hardships and darkness in our lives, but is the little moments and simple things that can bring joy.  A thought for your day from, of all places, Winnie the Pooh:

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Whether you are worrying about money, love, the wellness of a family member, the success of your children,  friendships and the like, it is important to take a step back and remember the little things that brighten our days and warm our hearts.

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